How to Be a Country Boy

Lots of people don't like "how to be" articles because you should be who you are, not stuff yourself into a stereotype that you think looks like fun, or something. None of my how-to articles are for faking your personality (although someday I may write an article on "How to Be a Poser" just for laughs). Use this information to express your personality, and don't take any of my advice as law.

Parts of this article are almost verbatim from How to Be a Country Girl. Thanks to Thomas for giving me the idea to adapt the country girl article for the guys!

You are probably already country if some or all of the following are true:

• You enjoy some or all country music. And not just Carrie Underwood or Taylor Swift. Nothing against them of course, but if their music is the only country music you like, then you are not as country as you may think.
• You like farms, ranches, and the country. If you think manure smells bad, a walk down a country road at night sounds awful, or you are in some other way uncomfortable or dislike anywhere that is not 'citified,' you are not country. 
• You like animals, but have no problem with them being used for food and other things. Not a militant animal rights activist or vegan.
• You think country girls are sexy
• You'd rather live in the country or a small town than in the 'burbs or a city.
• You prefer American-made products to Chinese sweatshop creations.
• You believe in God.
• You're proud to be an American.
• You're politically conservative
• You think there is nothing better or more honorable than serving your country, raising a family, and everyday life.
• You'd rather work a field or ride a horse than sit in an office all day. 

Still think you're country? Sweet! Here are the actual instructions:

How to Be a Country Girl

Some people don't like articles like this because they reek of poseur. Let me just say that this is not to help you fake 'countrification,' change who you are, or in some other way be someone you are not. This is for people who already are, but need help expressing their personality.

You are already country if most of the following are true about you:

• You enjoy some or all country music. And not just Carrie Underwood or Taylor Swift. Nothing against them of course, but if their music is the only country music you like, then you are not as country as you may think.
• You like farms, ranches, and the country. If you think manure smells bad, a walk down a country road at night is scary, or you are in some other way uncomfortable or dislike anywhere that is not 'citified,' you are not country.
• You like animals, but have no problem with them being used for food and other things. Not a militant animal rights activist or vegan. 
• You think country boys are sexy (actually this one doesn't exactly count cuz anyone who doesn't think Josh Turner is hot has something wrong with them). 
• You'd rather live in the country or a small town than in the 'burbs or a city. 
• You prefer American-made products to Chinese sweatshop creations. 
• You believe in God.
• You're proud to be an American. 
• You think there is nothing better or more honorable than serving your country, raising a family, and everyday life.
• You'd rather work a field or ride a horse than sit in an office all day or get a manicure.

If you still think you're country after all that, and are waiting for the actual instructions, here y'are.